Challenge

Today was the first tech of the first show I've ever stage managed. I will never be mean to a stage manager ever again. Well, that's probably a lie... but still. I also designed all the lighting, and since their cue system sucks, I have to manually cue everything and I am incredibly stressed about it. BUT. It'll be good. It has to be.

And I'm excited to finally be the one who's like 10 minutes til places!! Haha.

I love watching all my little ones up there. They're so unbelievably adorable, and there's a few of them who show insane potential. It's so fun to watch that at such a young age. I try to remember what I was like back then... but it's so biased that I really don't know. But this has been an incredible experience, and Saturday when the show ends I'm actually going to be legit sad =[ It's crazy how 4 weeks can bond you to people.

My goal right now is for when I go shopping, hopefully this Sunday, I can be realistic about my body type. Obviously clothes that look really good on my friends and I wish I could wear... I can't. And it's not me being negative about my body. It's just a fact that I think a lot of bigger people don't realize. And I'm not even THAT big. But I'm definitely no size zero that will look good in anything. I just always wish I could be someone who has clothing that make people go oh wow, where'd you get that! And stuff like that. I want people to notice me... doesn't everyone?

Got attention from the first guy in a long time. As soon as I told my friend there were like no ways for me to meet someone... well. Of course that just triggers it. I'm never going to see him again [probs] after Saturday, but god how good it feels to finally talk to a guy who doesn't know and have judgments about me. Who knows. He's probably gay anyway.

I wish some people in my life could realize how much I do for them. It's always so frustrating to give your all to people who don't really care one way or another about you. I don't know.

Hanging out with Mandy today was super nice =] it's always nice. And she always has the best stories! Or how she was talking about seeing this really hot guy at SPS and wanting to talk to him [she knew him though, wasn't just a stranger] and then HE HAPPENED TO BE AT CAPITAL LAKE right when we were!! And she went up and started talking to him and I was so proud. Haha.

Coffee with Sierra on Friday! Another one I enjoy. I just really like having friends here more my age [they're still younger than me... but I don't really see it] and who I really respect, who like me enough to hang out with me haha.

Believe it or not, this blog is self improvement. Not self hate.