New beginnings

This is going to be a long one.

I met my grandpa for the first time today. And even though I know not s a single person will read this, I just have to explain it anyway. My dad and mom split when I was about 6 months old. My dad was adopted, and had two sisters. In the crazy small world that this is- one of them happens to be really good friends with Kris Garrett, who is my friends mom. I don't really know the specifics... because my dad never talked about his family, but he didn't like them. Between doing drugs and getting drunk all the time, and spending time in jail... I guess my dad just had different interests than them. But I went the last 18 years of my life thinking both my grandparents on my dads side were dead. My moms side of my family I know every single person like the back of my hand and we're all close... my dads side... are practically strangers. Denis, my dads dad, had a stroke a little while ago. And we thought we were going to lose him. My mom knew he was alive, but didn't tell me, because every year she would send a Christmas card with my picture in it to no response, so she thought better I think him dead than think that he didn't care about me...

But when my dad moved to Chicago a couple months ago, and Denis had his stroke, I think something broke through to Denis... that he didn't have to hide anymore. And he wrote me a letter, upon receiving a graduation announcement. He explained how sorry he was that he had never met me, and that my dad had threatened him if he ever contacted me. He wrote how my dad was immature and selfish, and that he wished he hadn't have listened. Better late then never, right? And I was so afraid that when he had his stroke I was going to lose him before I got a chance to meet him. I was so scared. And I was determined to see him. He was so nice. I was so nervous to meet him... I wanted him to like me. And I wanted to be someone he'd be proud of... which is hard when you don't have much to show... he knows I'm into theater, but how am I supposed to explain to him that I'm never leads? That I'm not really someone people think of as "good"? Community College? I don't know... I was just nervous. But I got to sit next to him and he told silly jokes and was so interested in my life and he was the cutest little old man and he reminded me of my dad so much... they didn't ask about my dad the entire two plus hours... they avoided bringing him up. Like he was taboo. I love my dad. I love my dad a lot... but he isn't the person I always idolized him to be when I was younger...

But, after that, I picked Nick up and we went to the mall, where I bought perfume [after me and Nick smelt pretty much every single one] and really cute BOOTS :] which I am super excited for. I still can't wait til all my clothes come. I almost got my ears pierced again.. but I still have to decide what I want.

And I bought some candy for the little ones who were all so excited about it haha. Closing night went super well! They kinda sped through their lines, but they didn't skip anything and I did better on the lights and strike was super easy and it was just magical =] I love them all so much, and am so sad! This four months with them seriously raced by. We went to Dairy Queen after the show [we being me and a whole bunch of 6th graders hahaha] and I sat with them and we played games and sang songs and they were all talking about how much they loved me and how I was the best stage manager ever. I know they're just little kids but I loved them all so much and was so proud of them and it really just meant a lot for them to say all that. We have a get together October 28th, though =] so it's never goodbye, just see you later!

My mom is making me apply to Target. Which I love... until I found out about them donating shit tons of money to anti gay rights. I was like TARGET WHAT THE HELL. But... I REALLY need a job, and since the playhouse isn't paying me minimum wage, my mom is kinda refusing to let me keep working there... so I don't know. That sucks. I mean... I agree with her, and I really wanna be making money and stuff, but I love stage managing and kids so much, and it's theater and I've wanted to work for the playhouse forever and it's just been an incredible experience! And I wanna do all the other SOS shows... but now I have to explain to the director [who will not be pleased] that I pretty much get to work for minimum wage... or not at all. And since South Bay has already said they want to hire me back again... idk. I think it would suck for them to lose me, but if they can find someone else, who will actually work for 2 dollars under minimum wage... good for them, I guess. I still haven't gotten paid at all yet, either...

I have found out recently that my new love for wanting to look cute and buy stuff that makes me happy has lead to a kinda shoppaholic nature haha... I'm going shopping again tomorrow... oh man :] thiiiiiiiiiis is why I need a job. Haha.

Seeing Frog and Toad tomorrow =] then hopefully coffee with some lovelies. My life is going to seem so boring and weird without SOS now. Sigh. Definitely need to get my own gym membership now.