Settling

I got honked at twice today. I loved my outfit so much. Which is fabulous since obviously I bought it to love it. I just... felt good about myself today. It was nice. And Marisa got me a Jamba gift card as a belated birthday present and I loved it sooo much cause omgah I love Jamba.

Need to find more time to practice my guitar... luckily my teacher gave me a bunch of tips tonight. I just have to execute them. I feel really boring right now cause I don't have much to say. I'm annoyed because I tried to make plans with people, and none of them answered... and then after awhile once it happened the third time I just got sad. Like what the hell is wrong with me. I know it isn't my friends- they're wonderful people. I'm not self absorbed enough to think that everyone else is the problem... I just need to figure out what mine is, I guess.

I wish I knew the magic words to make someone happy again after a break up. I always feel stupid because I never know what to say, other than I'm sorry and I feel bad. And I love when people talk to me and that wasn't the problem... I just felt so stupid not knowing how to respond.

And then when my other friend started asking about sex advice... I don't know. I had a great day with just kind of a downer ending. Cause I felt bad for one friend, and then I answered and gave advice to the other one but I'm just so tired of feeling jealous and bitter... I just want to find someone, to find something like my friends have. And I know who I want it with more than anything, and know that it isn't going to happen so I just battle with my head to get over it and it's exhausting. I still can't imagine how fucking upset I'm going to be when he goes to a dance with someone else... ugh.

Still haven't heard from Target... last time they emailed me a day later saying they didn't have a job for me, so I dunno, I'm HOPING that the length means I'm being considered. Also re-applied for Safeway, but I know you have to actually GO IN and talk to someone and I'd rather work at Target so that's kinda a back up... Also applying for Wet Seal tomorrow just cause. I need a job so bad. Blech.

Wearing purple tomorrow, and getting a streak dyed into my hair. I wanted to do it anyway, so the timing felt right.

"Being gay isn't voluntary- Hate is"